Friday, December 31, 2010
day twenty-eight
Good god, am I sore. I feel as though I've been hit by a truck. I know it's related to my coming off my medication, and it helps a little bit to get me through, but every single morning I stumble out of bed like an old woman and limp around until my feet stop hurting and my hands loosen up. My knee is the worst though. I can't bend it without it clicking, crunching and grinding every.single.time I straighten it. Which makes it hard to get a good nights sleep which adds to the fact that I am tired beyond belief. It's a busy time of year, we've had a lot on, but Matt and I have been rotating sleep-ins so I shouldn't be feeling this rotten, I'm sure.
But regardless, we push on. Take a pill of some kind and move on.
Tuesday we had our final Christmas celebration and this time with friends. Usually we have our catch up a couple of weeks before Christmas but this year was a wee bit different because there was a teeny tiny NEW baby in out midst. Baby Henry was due mid-December but born a couple of weeks early, and life was a bit up in the air for the new parents so we waited until they were feeling more comfortable. But it was worth the wait. What a gorgeous little soul he is. So handsome and so perfect.
I admit to having twinges of cluckiness for the future. Not right now, but he did stir something in me that I thought would be dormant for a while longer. I had a vision or an idea of what life could be like with 3 kids. Matt just completely has NO desire for a third, none whatsoever. I have always wanted 3, but after Ivy I felt like I was happy to either stick with 2 or wait until Ivy was around 4 or 5 before having another. And now that Ivy is approaching 3, I feel like sometime next year we need to start discussing it further and objectively (me) and emotionally (Matt). Matt sees it as too hard: bigger car, bigger house, more financial hardship. I see it as a purely emotional decision: I want to have a larger family, more grandkids and I want large family gatherings as I age. Christmas is certainly a time that reminds me strongly how much I want a large family around me.
But for now, no decisions can be reached because we both feel so strongly on either side of the spectrum. So we cuddle Henry and we remain happy and content with what he have. Which is a lot.
But regardless, we push on. Take a pill of some kind and move on.
Tuesday we had our final Christmas celebration and this time with friends. Usually we have our catch up a couple of weeks before Christmas but this year was a wee bit different because there was a teeny tiny NEW baby in out midst. Baby Henry was due mid-December but born a couple of weeks early, and life was a bit up in the air for the new parents so we waited until they were feeling more comfortable. But it was worth the wait. What a gorgeous little soul he is. So handsome and so perfect.
I admit to having twinges of cluckiness for the future. Not right now, but he did stir something in me that I thought would be dormant for a while longer. I had a vision or an idea of what life could be like with 3 kids. Matt just completely has NO desire for a third, none whatsoever. I have always wanted 3, but after Ivy I felt like I was happy to either stick with 2 or wait until Ivy was around 4 or 5 before having another. And now that Ivy is approaching 3, I feel like sometime next year we need to start discussing it further and objectively (me) and emotionally (Matt). Matt sees it as too hard: bigger car, bigger house, more financial hardship. I see it as a purely emotional decision: I want to have a larger family, more grandkids and I want large family gatherings as I age. Christmas is certainly a time that reminds me strongly how much I want a large family around me.
But for now, no decisions can be reached because we both feel so strongly on either side of the spectrum. So we cuddle Henry and we remain happy and content with what he have. Which is a lot.
Labels:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment